There were so many it was almost impossible to choose!!! Thanks Nichole

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson

So this is how it all started. The co-founder of InanItah, a developing intentional living and learning center with a focus toward environmentally and spiritually regenerative living contacted me about 2 weeks ago about an exchange. I get to volunteer for InanItah as a web developer and get board and lodging for 3 months and all the fun wonderful things they offer. They are building an Eco-Village where I will get to learn Permaculture Design, Natural Building, Organic Gardening and Tree Planting, do Yoga, Tantra, OSHO Meditations, Ecstatic Dance, Massage, various rituals… I will even get to milk the cows and make my own yoghurt and cheese. It’s everything I have wanted to learn and do for a few years now as I have a dream of building my own eco-house and living off the grid some day, but there is a lot to learn before I can do that.

The fact that they are on an island is about as incredible as it gets. The only thing they don’t have is a treehouse on an island I can live in. Yet ;)

So watch this space. I still need to get a no-see-um net, gear for the rainy season coming up, bedding, possible medical insurance if I have any money left over. And I need to buy provisions for Frolina who will be staying at the log cabin with Yorba and Annie, pampered to death by Joseph. Time is flying and money is running out.

While I am there I will be working for my 3 main clients but not taking on any extra work until I get back. So hold yer horses on that contact form! Thanks.

I love RADIOLAB! A subject that has been on my mind a lot the past few years or so is finding out what I am capable of. What we can endure and overcome. I believe that deep down all of us have the potential to be top athletes or thinkers or something beyond the bounds of normal strength when we tap into those reserves, when we push ourselves past what feels like the limit. For the past few years I have been curious to know what I can endure, what I can overcome. I don’t really know why except just to know.

The RadioLab podcast LIMITS revealed some interesting things to me that I will use in future to reach my full potential.

How much can you jam into a human brain? How far can you push yourself past feelings of exhaustion? In this hour of Radiolab, we examine human limits.

Listen to the show

In about a week I will be venturing into South America alone, by planes, buses and finally a ferry to a beautiful island on a huge lake, to a very sacred place nestled between two volcanoes. I will live there for 3 months before knowing where I am supposed to travel next. Probably Sierra Leone. This morning I woke up with nervous excitement trapped in my belly, but it was curdled with sadness, doubt, regret and fear. Losing my sweet lover to impossible circumstances, leaving my home, beautiful Colorado. Failure of one of my biggest dreams after just 5 short months. I knew I needed to move on, to start over again some place new. But I kept wondering, is this trip was too drastic? Too soon? What if it all goes horribly wrong? What if I run out of money and get stranded? I can’t speak any Spanish. That seems stupid. Going into South America not knowing how to even ask directions. I don’t know any of the people I am soon going to meet and adventure with. I asked myself, “Am I doing the right thing? Should I go?”

The words I heard and felt ring through my body replied stronger than any of my doubts. “I am going to take you some place AMAZING. I will always take you to amazing places.” A huge, calming certainty flooded over me. And for the first time I realised, I don’t have to wait for anyone to follow my dreams. I don’t have to check if its okay. I don’t need a friend or a partner to go with me. I am all I need to be happy and free.

This trip is perfect for me. The opportunities there are staggering. Everything I have wanted to do for years. I will tell you more tomorrow.

Let me put you in my pocket and take you on this wild, and yes impetuous adventure. I will document the whole experience from beginning to end, mosquitoes and all.

After running into a friend on my way to the bookstore, I began to think. Are we all clinging, as adults, to past relationships?

“When we hide from the world in this way, we feel secure. We may think that we have quieted our fear, but we are actually making ourselves numb with fear. We surround ourselves with our own familiar thoughts, so that nothing sharp or painful can touch us. We are so afraid of our fear that we deadened our hearts.” –Chogyam Trungpa

more…

Click here to view the embedded video.

I met John while living in San Francisco. Quickly, he became my friend-spiritual guide-and-massage therapist all rolled into one. Such magic in those hands, such wisdom in his understanding—after one session I was hooked. Trained in the healing arts of Chinese medicine, John began each session with a simple question: “What’s going on?” This meant that he wanted a brief State of the Union on my physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health because, to him, it was all connected.

During the time I lived in the city, I met with John every week. Through our conversations and his amazing body work I began to experience shifts in consciousness on many levels, but none more compelling than my understanding of what it means to be discerning. We spent hours talking about life paths—his, mine and those of our friends. We dissected, analyzed, and waxed poetic about love.

Then one day, while discussing my relationship with a man whom I loved deeply but who lacked certain core qualities that I wanted in a partner, John suggested that the key to my dilemma could be found by taking on the persona of the female mountain goat.

You see, female mountain goats—or nannies, as they’re called—will climb to the top of a mountain peak and sit there. She’s holding out for the billy with certain qualities—like horn symmetry; and short sturdy legs with a heavy body; top-of-the-line hooves to help him move about the rocky ledges; and, of course, social rank because this will determine his access to resources. Below her, all the billies are doing their male mountain goat thing—snorting, bleating, locking horns, fighting, pushing each other around in an effort to win her. Some of the billies are killed or give up and move along in search of greener pastures. But the strong contenders continue their ascent to claim the prize at the top of the mountain.

They battle all the way, trying to edge each other off the rocky cliffs as they charge ahead. But no matter what, no matter which billy she may fancy from afar, no matter what’s happening to him below, she does not reach down and help him up in his journey to win her. Instead, she waits on her mountain perch and allows her suitors to exercise their determination and strength, for only those who make it to the top win a chance of partnership with her. Then she gets to choose.

It all made perfect sense.

Now I’m not suggesting that men are the same as male mountain goats, although I must admit that I have witnessed some behavioral similarities. Nor am I advocating that women (or men) just accept whoever shows up in their lives as “the one” by virtue of the fact that he (or she) beat a path to their door—that could get pretty creepy.

And certainly in this day and age the need to select partners based on purely physical or biological characteristics has diminished; though let’s face it, the dictates of “survival of the fittest” lie innate within us. So in a sense, I guess we all prefer a little horn symmetry.

But John’s mountain goat metaphor brought great clarity and the shift in intention I needed. For months I had been riding the fence of indecision, torturing myself with what could have been fairly simple… if I was honest about my needs and desires. And like the flick of a switch, suddenly all that was once dark and seemingly unknowable became illuminated by the light of my heartfelt truth.

So I started applying this wisdom to every part of my life—personal and professional—and soon found myself initiating some major life changes, beginning with the end of my relationship and ending with a brand new career path.

It hasn’t been easy. At times I have second-guessed my decisions and the overall direction of my life. Some of that’s natural, I suppose. Just so, before I made any real progress, I had to revisit my ideas about what I thought it meant to be “successful” and make peace with the notion that I was my own greatest block when it came to creating the life I desired.

And I learned to recognize that while people and situations show up in our lives often when we need them most, that doesn’t mean that every relationship, job or experience is meant to last forever. Some things fall away because we’ve outgrown them or we need to be available for something else. But we’ll never find that “something else” if we’re clinging desperately to that “not-quite-right-what is” because we’re afraid of change.

Ultimately, discernment is the lens through which we make choices. It does not mean that we’re judging people and opportunities from a position of superiority. Rather, it is to tune into the soul’s wisdom as we discriminate between this option and that, truthfully evaluating what’s before us while engaging our intuition about what’s best for our lives. No easy task, to be sure.

“And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”
~ Steve Jobs

Some of us have repeated failure experiences. It can be hard to let go, to walk away. To not fall into the victim role.

It can be easier when you realise that energy doesn’t just disappear. Whatever you put in will come out the other end somehow.

Every choice you made along the way has had an effect. Hopefully with some good karma put in. Hopefully the investment wasn’t completely selfish. Every time I have made a completely selfish investment it has always flung back and hit me smack on the head.

Sometimes a YES, when we force it, can have devastating consequences on our lives. There is an arab curse i know only too well, “May you get everything you wish for.” I know what it means to get everything I want. It has rarely been a good thing.

Often a NO leads to far better things. Be patient, see how things pan out in the long run before hastily declaring a failure.

So the question is, are we going to walk away this time as the victim or the hero? And what are you taking with you from the experience this time around?