Yummy Wakame

Here it is - Gareth Cliff’s infamous Interview with Jesus that got him suspended at 5fm.

brainFART Intelligence…

“I just heard about a patient who is an intravenous drug user and was high on heroin. After being unable to obtain any more of the illicit substance, he drew blood from another user that was high on heroin and then proceeded to inject himself with it.

Now’s he septic and almost dead.

Great problem solving skills, I’ll give him that.”

One of the many great things about living in South Africa is how a lot of emerging technology is tested there first. Internet Banking was going for a few years there before it even started emerging in the UK, and even today Internet banking in the UK is limited. Microchipped Bank Cards were used instead of speedpoints at many South African shops and they are only now introducing them in the UK. Cellular networks and phones were tested in South Africa too which meant that it was offered to the public for such great prices on pay-as-you-go, every family had at least one while it seemed only businessmen were using them in the rest of the world.

While listening to 5fm on internet radio today I caught a FIAT ad:
“Now all Fiat Palio Special Series come equipped with bluetooth as standard”
Nice! A Motorola Bluetooth Car Kit integrated with a Radio/CD. With the aid of this wire-less device, the driver can keep both hands on the steering wheel while receiving or making calls through voice activation.

FCS (Feline Confusion System)
Have you confused your cat recently? Chances are you have not. Most people don’t realise that they must confuse their cats regularly.

(found on caiterwauling)

George W. Bush rubs man’s head for “luck” in display of apparent racist ignorance (photo)

Before speaking to a March 3rd Los Angeles audience at the White House Conference on Faith-Based and Community Initiatives, Mr Bush was introduced by an African-American male, whose head Mr Bush proceeded to rub while grinning and smirking. Full story…

Change of political direction for Spain:

Angry Spanish voters oust the conservative Popular Party and vote in the Socialist Party
A larger than expected 77% of the electorate turned out to vote in the wake of last Thursday’s attacks. Spain’s ruling conservatives crashed to surprise defeat in elections overshadowed by anger over terrorist bombings, becoming the first government that backed the U.S.-led war in Iraq to be voted out of office.

What angered many voters was that the conservative government had insisted that its prime suspect in Thursday’s rail bombings was the armed Basque separatist group ETA, even as evidence mounted of an Islamic link in the bombings. The government was accused of withholding information on the investigation and trying to manipulate international press reports to save the election.

Other voters were angry at Aznar, accusing him of making Spain a target for Islamic extremists because of his support for the Iraq war, despite the opposition of most Spaniards. Aznar sent 1,300 Spanish troops to Iraq after the conflict and 11 have died. “I wasn’t planning to vote, but I am here today because the Popular Party is responsible for murders here and in Iraq,” said Ernesto Sanchez-Gey, 48, who voted in Barcelona.

Zapatero to withdraw Iraq troops
The new Socialist Prime Minister told Spanish radio that no decision would be taken without wide political consultation, but the soldiers would be pulled out if there was no change in Iraq by the 30 June deadline for transfer of sovereignty. He said “Many times I have said that the war in Iraq was a disaster. The occupation continues to be a disaster”, adding “Wars such as those which have occurred in Iraq only allow hatred, violence and terror to proliferate.”

While Mr Zapatero said his first priority was to tackle terrorism “in all its forms”, he is thought likely to do it in a very different way than the outgoing government.

The Penny Black Project
A group of researchers at Microsoft think they may have come up with a solution that could, at least, slow down and deter the spammers.

The development has been called the Penny Black project, because it works on the idea that revolutionised the British postage system in the 1830s - that senders of mail should have to pay for it, not whoever is on the receiving end. The payment is not made in the currency of money, but in the memory and the computer power required to work out cryptographic puzzles.

Your one-stop shop for light-up clothes and costumes
Clubwear and casual evening wear, jackets coats and vests, full body light-up suits, formal evening wear, and accessories. No light-up socks though.
(as seen on attu sees all)

Individuals CAN make a difference:
A humble man who single-handedly reforested a desolated area

Abdul Karim bought a sun-scorched arid stretch of land in Kerala years ago, promising himself, “I will turn this ochre expanse green.”

Motivated solely by a life-long desire to live in a forested area, Karim first planted species of trees that captured water during the rainy season and release it to the earth in summer, while their fallen leaves retained the groundwater (unlike others in the area, Karim insisted that the leaves be left where they fell). Within four years, the saplings had retained enough water that he dug a pond that amazed neighbors because of the amount of water - no one had ever struck water in that area! His early success motivated Karim to buy more land, eventually reforesting a 32-acre region.

Birds nesting in the trees dropped seeds, increasing the variety of vegetation, and attracting other birds and plants. Today, the area is heavily wooded, home to many birds and animals, and has ample water reserves in an otherwise parched area. Karim, his wife and children live in a pleasant home that doesn’t need a fan because of the shade; enjoy ample, sweet, water (which they share with 75 other village families) and credit the forest for their perfect health. The full story…

(Thanks Tintu)

EROTIC DANCE FOR FUN

Poledancing lessons have come to Brighton!
Taking place in a discrete and polished basement flat just off Kemp Town seafront, the studio run by Kay and Steve is equipped with 3 poles. Instructor Rebecca has five years experience as an erotic dancer in London and across Europe and is now a successful erotic artist.
Price: A 3hr workshop costs £40 per person. Private tuition can work out cheaper for 1 - 3 people. Birthday and hen parties can work out to around £15 per person.
Contact: Rebecca on 01273 773549 for details.
Source: Article written by Claire Truscott - This Is Brighton Magazine.

Lapdancing lessons at Top Totty, Brighton
Led by qualified dance captain Franki, this rigorous toning excercise can help you gain “incredibly sexy skills and increase body awareness with confidence”. Students are under no pressure to take off their clothes, although as the lessons progress inhibitions are known to fly out the window. There is a prize for the best dancer which guarantees the winner a job at the club.
Price: Lessons given to groups at £14 per person.
Contact: Top Totty, Grand Parade Brighton, 01273 709100.
Source: Article written by Emma Waddingham, This Is Brighton Magazine.

Poledance at home
Permanent chrome poles can be custom made by Metal Fast who provides fixtures and fittings for those whose ceilings can take it. You could also install removable poles and get ceiling fittings cleverly disguised as dummy smoke detectors.
Source: Article in This Is Brighton Magazine.

How Government Works ~ off Caiterwauling

Once upon a time, the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, “someone may steal from it at night.” So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?” So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies. Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?” So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?” So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people. Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary. Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost.”

So, they laid off the night watchman.

5fm Suspends Gareth Cliff For Interviewing Jesus (South Africa)
Our cheeky friend Gareth has been suspended for two days by 5fm as a result of an ‘interview’ he conducted with ‘Jesus’ on his show yesterday afternoon, which elicited numerous complaints from listeners.

Cliff apologised to his listeners today for any offence he may have caused, stating that he had not intentionally aimed to disparage any religion, but rather to parody the motion picture “The Passion Of The Christ” which has been greeted with vigorous debate internationally and releases in South Africa next month.

“As a responsible broadcaster we simply cannot endorse any content that unnecessarily undermines the religious beliefs of our listeners.” ~ John Langford, 5fm Station Manager.

Gareth crossed over from 702 Talk Radio to 5FM in October last year, saying 5FM would give him the “creative freedom to do outrageous lunatic things” which were “wasted” on 702.

“I’m told via email that this apparently came from a letter read on the radio sent to a right wing talk show.” ~ Niqkita

Subject: God’s word is eternal & unchanging
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. For example, when someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. However, I do need some advice from you regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev. 24:10-16)? Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Footie 4 Iraq
“One thing to have survived through difficult times is the Iraqi people’s love of football. By giving them the chance to play again, we’ll allow a vital element of normal life to resume.”

Everyone is getting involved from Premiership players to armchair enthusiasts at footie4iraq.org. Play in the national 5’s tournament, bid online for your Football Dream, or send your old football shirt!

Apocalypse Frog (photo)
“We thought it was three frogs attempting to copulate at first. It is very strange. The children couldn’t believe it.”

The three-headed frog which has fused bodies and six legs has stunned a BBC wildlife expert who said it could be an early warning of environmental problems.
(another photo)