Yummy Wakame

So I’ve been reading up online, trying to figure out if or when this chemical in my brain will wear off, the one that attracts me so intensely to my ex. For those who haven’t been following its been about 2 months since he left, and we were together nearly 5 years. I figured it must be chemical because I have successfully moved on in almost every other way, except I’ve made no headway physically. I found some other things out. more…

“The myth of romantic love is a dreadful lie. Perhaps it is a necessary lie in that it assures the ‘falling in love’- experience that traps us into marriage. But as a psychiatrist I weep in my heart almost daily for the ghastly confusion and suffering that this myth fosters. Millions of people waste vast amounts of energy desperately in an attempt to make the reality of their lives conform to the unreality of the myth.”
~ M. Scott Peck, from his book A Road Less Travelled.

Of course this piqued my curiosity, extremely, and so I ordered myself a copy with a free credit on PaperBackSwap.com. As usual, just going along with my gut instincts…

So this is where I am at on The Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle – slap bang in the middle:

I’m a little surprised I came out of the anger in just 3 days, and somewhat disappointed because it was really the most determined and powerful I’ve felt in this whole process. more…

Okay so I am SUPER excited! I just spent about 4 hours on the phone, which is very odd as I’m not a big fan of being on the phone AT ALL anymore, but time just flew by, and it was incredibly inspiring and connecting, as it always is whenever we get talking. A great friend I met in Austin during my travels is now coming through Marathon to visit me in about 2 weeks on a motorbike trip towards Mexico and South America, and we’re going to go on a seriously fantastic Texas adventure beforehand. I cannot wait to spill the beans when the time comes. You’re all invited for the ride in my back pocket!

And to think this day started off so challenging and confusing. I need to write about that sometime soon, before it passes, to capture it. I’ve definitely moved on from the anger stage much faster than anticipated, which could have gone on for months or years, which is GOOD as this means I’m moving on fast towards end goal, however its a downward slant after the anger peak, more like a plummet, hence the more challenging than usual days from here on out. I’ll explain soon when I’m actually feeling it.

I’m so happy right now and that’s what I want to focus on. A great night’s sleep will be had :D Every day things happen one thing after another that feels like the universe is rolling out the red carpet for little old me. Its mind boggling!!! Why is this happening? I’m almost shy to step out of the limo in my shabby gypsy dress but heck I’m going to do it anyway!

Good night sweet things. No, great night!

…for my endlessly patient and loving family, for my inspirational funny intelligent friends who hang in there with me even though I keep moving country… to my new readers on yummy wakame for all the support and insight… to my uncle Steve who sent me a bunch of never seen toddler photos this morning of our days of yore together… and to my eternally inappropriate mother who I adore, for remembering Thanksgiving a month too early…
(I had to dig this one up)

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Wow, seriously? Not only is the writer sassily named after one of my favourite friends Jennifer Jones, she is BRILLIANT at what she does! I wish I had had access to this incredible relationship resource 5 years ago. Truly, it would have been a second chance for me. The depth of insight and wisdom on the first page alone would have saved me from myself.

The Art of Love & Intimacy

Thanks Angela, for pointing me to this today.

I sense acutely today, that this difficult path I’ve chosen towards celibacy, for the time while I find my truest nature, is leading me towards the polar opposite of how I have lived my life so far. It is taking me down roads I never considered before, and allowing me to explore avenues I used to be afraid of. I am still nervous of. Some of the most basic fundamental things I believed in and ways I acted on that propelled me on a daily basis towards my goals, towards happiness, are changing.

I am discovering along the way that happiness is not something that can be strived for, it is not something that can be grabbed onto, or held even for a moment, or even observed, as it then slips through the fingers. more…

I love this song. And the video makes me happy. Tilt-shift time-lapse animation.
Dir. Keith Loutit / Australia / 2008
Song: Clementine by Megan Washington

Please click on the full-screen button to view it in all its miniature glory.

View it on YouTube.

I was touched by the sentiment, it being lunch time and all. But being a vegetarian I had to refuse.

Your birth date snuck up on me like you have ever since I’ve known you and that invisible cloak of yours.

Last night I dreamed I couriered you 3 velveteen black roses from an esoteric florist. I can’t remember what it meant, or why I sent that particular gift, but I was so happy to be sending them. I floated in space and saw the courier deliver them, both you and Niq were at the door, you opened the box and both smiled widely, knowing it was from me even before reading the card. I visited you and Niq some time later and they were hanging, dried, up on your den wall.

The 5 Most Common Facebook Fails

It is possible to be with someone you love for years and years, live with them every day, and feel completely alone. more…

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
~ The Buddha

This morning I woke up angry. I’ve had moments of anger, hours and sometimes a day here or there feeling angry, throughout this process of letting go, but nothing like today. I knew that something massive had shifted inside me and that it was coming out, fast. I thought I was over feeling angry, that I was free and clear of it, I even blogged recently about how happy I was about being free of it, but I wasn’t able to see what was buried underneath the twinklings of anger I’d dealt with up until now. I don’t like it. It’s a dark, destructive, cancerous, vicious and even violent energy that I cannot hold inside, I mustn’t allow myself to feel satisfied or justified in this anger, I mustn’t hold onto it or it’ll tear me to pieces over years and years. I absolutely must resist all urges to let it pour all out like lava over someone else, whether it be a friend or my partner in a few years, even the people I feel angry towards. That kind of energy only attracts more of the same, as I vibrate with violent, chaotic anger. I want to attract peacefulness, unconditional love, bliss and patience into my life, and that can only come to me if I have that same energy inside me. more…

Despite a significant boom in the demand for solar power and the sophistication of photo-voltaic technology, many people still reluctant to outfit their homes with the hardware that’s needed to take advantage of this free and clean source of energy.

What’s keeping the average home or business owner from taking advantage of the lower utility bills that solar power has to offer? Well, among other things, many are turned off by the idea of plunking large, bulky, black panels on top of their home’s roof.

Thanks to a new technology being developed by scientists at Georgia Tech University, the equipment needed to use solar power might become much more subtle in the near future. MSNBC recently reported that instead of using traditional solar panels, the Georgia Tech scientists are working to capture sunlight and turn it into electricity using fiber optics cables coated with zinc oxide, the same white compound lifeguards slather on their noses. The fiber optic cables, each one two to three times the width of a human hair, could be installed on the roof of a house, car or any other structure with almost total invisibility…

You can read the full article over at Care2 – Capturing Solar Power Without The Panels

Her voice always breaks my heart.

View it on YouTube.
Download this recording for free @ PomplamooseMusic.

I recently took a month off to visit friends and family while I gathered my thoughts and figured out where I was heading. These photos were taken on my trip out of Marathon and back again. I rode trains, flew planes and sat in cars a lot. Here are some photos of things I want to always remember:

I found the backmost train car. It has a cute porch outside a door with an OPEN button. But alas it would not.
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A FutureShort from my all-time favourites collection. Please enjoy in fullscreen mode.

Watch it on YouTube

Woohoo! Today I Became an Official Lone Star Stater! And not just a Texas resident, a Marathon Texas resident. This sleepy little desert town I live in boasts a population of 450, so small the trains speed through it without stopping at the old station, and there’s a grocery store called the French Grocer where I now qualify for a hefty local discount. I’m officially a Marathon Local! With a PO Box and everything. I love how that sounds. It’s certainly special to me. Marathon is now my homebase, where I hideout the winter cold, and travel from.

So this is my new drivers license (learners permit). I laughed when I saw the photo – taken just a startling minute after hearing I’d passed. I look so, haha, I guess bewildered? Like a deer in headlights. My old PA ID I look so radiant, sure of myself, cocky even. Even though this one is so lame in the self-confidence department, and one of the worst photos ever taken of me, I still prefer the new one. It has great memories of that day, and it’s bursting with adolescent dreams that weren’t remotely possible in my previous life.

Even at Dallas International Airport. Meet my new shoes!

I call them home, as I will likely wear them nearly every day, until I wear holes through them, and then I’ll wear them a few months more as stones and cold fall through them, just like the last pair I travelled and snuggled through. Its hard to let go of old friends, but these ones made the transition a little easier.

I found them peeking out of a shelf, sparkling shyly at me with every sequin they could muster through the denim blue, and on their very last sale, at a store of ill repute. But I saw their beauty. A pair that fitted me with precise comfort and charm. Kismet. As I slipped them on for size they whispered that if I whisked them away from the certain hell of being shoved in the back of someone’s shoe closet, they would promise to introduce me to sparkly interesting people, light up the gloomy moments and perhaps even introduce me to someone unforgettably amazing. Yes! I squeaked, as I motioned over to the cashier with my prize and the last few bucks in my wallet. “I would give up sushi for these shoes,” I thought, but luckily I didn’t have to.

Off the Ultimate Goat Fansite!

To celebrate a new haircut that celebrates the new me who celebrates this new path, I wove my braids back in. Late last night. Tiny bells, a special button and some of the fabric you can see in these braids were passed down to me by my very dear gypsy friend, Dragon, who I met in my travels to Bisbee AZ. They came from his own hair, and he passed them down to me in a ceremony, wove them into my hair, and anointed them with what he calls “seawolf medicine”. Very powerful gypsy magic going for generations that had been passed down to him. It protects me in my travels, and in times of extreme duress will grant me any wish. Any wish. I have used this magic once before to help a friend, in a seemingly hopeless situation, and it worked immediately. Perhaps I will tell that story some time.

Recently he performed a ceremony from Bisbee to recharge my seawolf medicine, to additionally give me the inner strength and determination to follow this difficult path ahead without losing my heart, or my courage. (Note: Blurry photos. My only camera, on my phone has a damaged lens.)

First braid in. Excited! In my PJs. more…

Just in today, this is my heart-thumpingly gorgeous bellydancer friend Rachel’s new tattoo. It captures her spirit perfectly…

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Yesterday I went through a radical and exciting metamorphosis. I am certain now that it’s uncomfortable to turn into a butterfly, and hurts like a bitch to squeeze out of the coccoon.
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Watch it on YouTube

Ooooh I LOVE this! Carl is so much fun. I’ve always loved the way he describes these almost intangible things in such simple and fun ways, as it should be. Overcomplicating things always obscures the true essence. He is so interesting and amazing I could just lick his brainstem. Only in the 4th dimension of course. I’m not a total *hussy* in this dimension. And he’s no longer with us… here that is.