Yummy Wakame Weblog
Archive: the pursuit of happiness
Things I will need to get used to in Brazil
- The surface area of my butt exposed in a Brazilian bikini is roughly the same size as the rest of my bikini. This is despite Thiago’s efforts to find me a bikini bottom with the most coverage available in Brazil for Christmas. I am now wearing a Brazilian “Grande” sized bikini bottom which despite being a US / Euro Medium makes me feel like a baby whale. (more…)
Learning To Be Alone
Wow, this idea is spot on with something I’m really trying to work on but couldn’t find the words for…
“The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you but it is not. It is an essential truth. Only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core into the other person without becoming dependent on the other, reducing the other into a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know if the other leaves they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness can not be taken by the other because it is not given by the other.
Then why do they want to be together? It is no longer a need, it is a luxury. They enjoy sharing, they have so much joy they would like to pour into somebody. They know how to play their life as a solo instrument. The solo flute player knows how to enjoy his flute alone and if he comes and finds a solo tabla player, both will enjoy being together and to create a harmony between the flute and the tabla.”
– Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
It’s interesting how togetherness should be the luxury. For years I have lived as if togetherness was essential and time alone was a luxury. While I am a creature that loves to cuddle and to share daily life and discoveries with someone special, and while I know that nothing will ever change that, at the same time… I know I had it all the wrong way around. I know this because when I really examine things, I wasn’t happy.
Inner Guidance System Calling
Returning to Ometepe Island was not the homecoming I thought it would be. It felt very homely the last time I was here and I imagined it would feel even more so returning, but instead, I’ve been feeling increasingly alien. And though I feel I can make myself belong by putting down roots and being stubborn about it, at the same time I feel I really don’t belong here in the most natural sense. I’m just not feeling it inside. (more…)
Breaking the Perpetual Loop
The human mind it seems, is a lot like a computer. Runs mini-procedures (how to cut a slice of toast, how to brush teeth), mid-level procedures (how to negotiate a salary increase, how to argue your point and win), high-level programs (strategic goal achievements over many months or year involving sometimes hundreds of thousands of procedures running in the foreground and background) and because we can’t possibly know the best of everything, these programs are full of ‘bugs’. The mind is so vulnerable to interference, whether it be from incompatible programs running simultaneously that don’t agree with each other (“3 minute rush to work” procedure crashes into “grab quick coffee” procedure spilling everywhere causing “belief in whole day being ruined” program to initialize…
We run into bugs trying to run out of date programs for our newer motherboards (after installing “64-bit spiritually awakening motherboard” but still try to run old procedures like “32-bit jealousy for old stupid reason” causing “I knew we would break up over this!” program to run).
Too loud music for too long or sleep deprivation can make everything run wonky. And we are affected by power surges as we become crabby on lack of food or our disks spin too fast when we’ve had a jumbo icecream or 3 shot espresso.
The past two years I’ve been observing (well its a bit funny to stay this as the mind cant fully observe itself) how the mind responds automatically to things with the procedures we have socially learnt and run all the time, and then questioning my automatic procedure responses. I noticed that there is a defect a lot of us seem to have with our reasoning when it comes to evaluating whether things are worthwhile. This works for many things, the medical loan we’re paying off, waking up every single day for 10 years HATING that we are going into work for THAT job, the bad relationship, the big dream project that never seems to come to fruition but has resulted in the back yard being littered with broken cars and broken dreams for 20 years and not being quite able to let the house go and move somewhere nicer.
Say for example, you are in a relationship, and it starts out great, but a year goes by and things start to go bad. Do you quit or do you stay? (more…)
Routed en root
What is going on???
Eight days ago I left freezing cold Pittsburgh city and flew, smack back to my love’s arms, whisked off to a treehouse paradise and the merciless heat of Nicaragua. 30C, 95F and 65% humidity. Now I’m back on the island of Ometepe just a couple of days ago. In two weeks we will hitchhike though Nicaragua and Honduras with a small bag each to El Salvador for a major surfing trip. That is really the only fixed plan I have in my life right now. I’m afraid of having more than one fixed plan at a time it seems. And I get nervous when I don’t have one too. This is how indecisive I am at the moment.
I feel sort of strange a lot of the time. The changes in temperature, altitude, surroundings, friends… the other night I jumped up in bed a few times shouting, “WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON?!!!”. I don’t remember this except that I woke up a few times for a few nights now. Apparently I’ve said a lot of scary stuff in my sleep lately. Along with very bizarre dreams. (more…)
Life is SAWEET!
And then you die. So make it good and make it fun and spend your time with everyone :D
This clipping I have visualised and desired for months now. And here it is! It’s real!
I am so grateful I am able to do this. I am grateful I’m not afraid to do this. I am grateful to be in Pittsburgh with old friends right now. I am grateful for all the love and opportunities pouring into my life. I am grateful to be gradually freer every single day, giving away more and more of my stuff. I will see you soon Thiago!!! I am grateful for your neverending understanding and patience, for never failing to believe in us no matter what stupid things I did or said. I am grateful for Ometepe Island, how her lake healed me and how much I have learned there.
Unbelievable! In less than a month I’ll be on Ometepe Island, where the heart always shines.
Should I stay or should I go now?
“Life is just a ride, and we can change it whenever we want to. It is just a decision between fear and love.”
–Bill Hicks
This is haunting me. Its undeniably true. At every moment I’m making a decision between doing things out of love or fear. (more…)
e você pra me lembrar…
No matter how far I may get in life, whatever exotic treasures I accumulate, however wide I might end up travelling, it doesn’t mean as much as the people I meet along the way. We all have this, even those of us who stay put, but so often we miss the point, counting destinations like notches on a bedpost. (more…)
Perfectly Imperfect
Much to my mother’s horror while I grew up and almost consistently chose gangly looking boys, I have always found the most beauty in imperfections. A flashing row of teeth with that one squiggle tooth or a big old cheeky gap. The softness and vulnerability of a strong man’s balding head. Hand mushed jewelry that isn’t perfectly balanced. The cat with the tear in its ear. The dog with one remaining, pleading eye. The woman with her life map scrawled on her face that no-one wants to acknowledge, standing outside Amtrak shivering with her wobbly cigarette. A fierce man who breaks down and cries into my lap not caring who sees. Three nipples. It has always indicated genetic specialness to me. The boy who can’t hold down a relationship but can memorise a complex datamap across his wall in 5 minutes and never ever forget it. The girl with big hands and pretty long fingers. The soft pokable belly replacing a once six-pack. The boy who trembled almost every time he kissed me and was always searching around my body to hold my hand every second he had a spare one. A cute chubby face on a skinny body. Butt dimples. The un-get-overable lover who can’t control his enraged constantly spilling, messy emotions. The dog eared book. A bed that’s never perfectly made, but so messily and cozily comfortable. A once prized but now ancient iPhone thats been dropped in toilets, a jungle lake and skidded across 3 pavements while running down streets, but still faithfully lives on. The grouchy old man with the visible chip on his shoulder looking tough. The programmer who has his PJ pants stuffed under his suit, bulging over the top. All these sweet people and creatures I have been blessed to know and love.
I could keep writing but instead I’m going to continue thinking about my favourite imperfections. You are perfectly imperfect, and if I knew you, I’d probably remember and love your imperfections the most of all your qualities. I prize imperfections in others and in me. They make you uniquely you.
Help Save Japan’s Dolphins!
More than 20,000 dolphins and porpoises are being slaughtered each year and their meat, containing toxic levels of mercury, is being sold as food in Japan, often times labeled as whale meat. Send a letter to President Obama, Vice President Biden and Japanese Ambassador to the United States Ichiro Fujisaki urging them to address this issue »
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