Yummy Wakame Weblog
Archive: hilarity
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary
8am – Dog food! My favourite thing! 9:30am – A car ride! My favourite thing! 9:40am – A walk in the park! My favourite thing! 10:30am – Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing! 12:00pm – Lunch! My favourite thing! 1pm – Played in the yard! My favourite thing! 3pm – Wagged my tail! My favourite thing! 5pm – Milk Bones! My favourite thing! 7pm – Got to play ball! My favourite thing! apm – WOW! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing! 11pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary
Day 983 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. (more…)
Remember to pack a jet ski
The other day when I was dreaming I was in Japan I wanted to make a quick trip out to China, you know, for the maximum effect of it. So I pulled out my trusty iPhone of course and used Google Maps. Typed in Japan as the start location. Typed in China as the end location. I don’t know if you’ve ever done this before but give it a go. The trip was going pretty well until step 43.
Dang it, I forgot to pack one. I guess you could say it went swimmingly.
Goodbye Marjanne
Marjanne left today for San Francisco :’( Yesterday I made her a braid with handed down Seawolf Medicine to keep her safe on her travels (photos). Just as I was about to take a photo a little sweetie stopped by to lick her with butterfly luck… he came back later again and hung out with her for an hour while she walked around and did stuff.
Bon Voyage Beautiful!
Whatever you give a woman…
“…she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby… If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit!”
~ Erick S. Gray
Kulula Sikeleli Africa
Kulula captains doing what appears to be a quick recap on their flight notes before a commercial flight…
Kulula is an Airline with a head office situated in Johannesburg South Africa. Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, “People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”
On another flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
Skeletor
I’ve been posting a lot of updates on Facebook about this place, its just easier. Sorry! I’ll put a few things up here from time to time. I got complaints that its torture to read about this paradise I’m living in so I thought I’d treat you to a gross story.
So last night on my way to the ‘bathroom’ in the dark I was just about to walk through a doorway but my headlamp caught the wriggling glow of a GIANT 2 inch spider that was bright yellow, no hair, just thick armourplated body that was right next to me. Had I walked through without seeing it I’d have broken the web and it would have landed right on my face. On my face. With its crazy claw legs. We checked each other out for a minute while it boinged up and down on the web. then I ducked under the web and went to the ‘bathroom’.
So this morning Erika wakes up and I ask her how about that spider! “What spider?” She’d walked through the doorway. Mmmmm… yessss…
Mila’s Daydreams
What a trip!
There were so many it was almost impossible to choose!!! Thanks Nichole
Meow
When I’m around Joseph, which is all the time I suppose, I find myself laughing at the most terrible things. Shockingly inappropriate things. And I feel awful afterwards.
Looking at a photo together…
Me: “… I think she looks pretty good in this photo.”
Joseph: “Hmm. Yeah. Obviously the cuteness fairy didn’t sprinkle her with cuteness dust.”
Me: “Babe…Wow. Men are so much bitchier than women! That’s horrible.”
Joseph: “Come on! Okay, maybe. But come on! She looks like she ran through the ugly forest blindfolded and hit every ugly tree.”
Protect the Western Arctic Reserve From Big Oil
The Western Arctic Reserve, also known as the National Petroleum Reserve-Alaska, is the largest tract of unprotected, relatively pristine public land in the United States. The 23.5 million-acre reserve is home to imperiled polar bears, seabirds and one of the densest populations of nesting raptors in the world. Its shores and lagoons harbor beluga whales, seals, walruses and other marine mammals. The BLM is accepting comments on a planning document that sets the stage for oil and gas leasing in the western Arctic for decades to come. Help save this national treasure by telling the BLM to protect the Western Arctic Reserve from dirty fossil fuel development »
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