Yummy Wakame Weblog
Archive: September, 2011
Every day things around me seem progressively less and less real and more and more dreamlike. I have moments where I just stop and stand absolutely still, forgetting completely where I was going and not caring... these moments dont frighten me anymore, and instead I'm just enjoying the curious moment where I feel like I'm suspended by belief alone that the floor below me is there, about to watch the whole circus of 'reality' around me peel away and realise its all an elaborate dream we're all participating in, and at some deep down level maybe we all know it. We're all so good at deceiving ourselves with the grandest of illusions about ourselves that everyone else can plainly see, so why not an illusion of 'reality' as well? (more...)
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves. (more...)
I totally forgot to update with news that I GOT THE BANJO! She is so beautiful, with mother of pearl inlays and the most crazy sexy twang. I still remember the feeling I had when I first got my hands on her and was walking free down the road, in the rain towards the bus stop.
I haven't been that excited since Christmas as a kid, it was OVERWHELMING me so much that a squeal burst out of me that sounded something like, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!HEE HEE HEEE!" which I couldn't seem to stop, like some kind of deranged leprechaun. (more...)
I've been struggling to cope with a lot of strange and uncontrollable feelings for many weeks now. More emotions are surfacing, strange perceptions and instincts, but my ability to express them is numb at the same time. Not able or wanting to write and when I do it doesnt feel right. Energetically I'm feeling the huge shifts happening in the world, evolving at an ever crazy speed towards some unknown unfathomable point coming up soon. And my love and I are drifting ever further away, unreachably far now, while strangely I feel I haven't been drifting or moving at all... just floating, without really knowing what I'm waiting for or where to go. And grieving him. So much grieving. Yet I've felt a knowing under all of it that the path is going to slowly reveal itself, like a gift in almost too many wrappings. I'm stuck at the bit right a the beginning, picking at the celotape wishing I had fingernails, not wanting to ruin the perfect wrapping... afraid of what it might be under all of the paper, hoping I'm ready for it.
About a week ago while I was listening to this song I suddenly felt a bolt jolt through me - "I am going to learn to play the banjo! And I'm going to learn to play this song." I was so excited about this! For days. I dont really know why! It was also the only thing that seemed to bring me out of the glum. But banjos are expensive and I have other more urgent financial obligations right now. "That's OK! If I cant afford one, it will come! Just keep thinking about the banjo." And so I have... (more...)
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