Yummy Wakame Weblog
Archive: July, 2010
… and for the first time I’ve started packing before the very last day. I started preparing a week ago.
I remember how just a few weeks ago I arrived back in Colorado and unpacked everything within a few hours. Hung all my dresses and skirts up on the log walls. Unbundled Frolina. Put all the essential oils out. Added my mug to our collection (of one). I was settled right in. It felt like a huge relief to finally be settled. It amazes me every few hours I’m not going to be here anymore.
I had to source some special things. Mosquito net, 3 months of personal supplies. There were requests for hard to find items to bring with me. Hope it all fits in the daypack Mike lent me. God I want to pack Frolina!!
I’d like to finish all shopping and packing on Saturday so Joseph and I can have a last normal fun everyday. Despite the challenges we’ve faced, having fun and hanging out together all the time is what we’re good at. Its what we love to do apparently more than most other things. And so Sunday is our last. Before everything changes early Monday morning. And in that single day, the moment I step onto that plane, there’s no looking back.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Chad – this one’s for you:
I love RADIOLAB! A subject that has been on my mind a lot the past few years or so is finding out what I am capable of. What we can endure and overcome. I believe that deep down all of us have the potential to be top athletes or thinkers or something beyond the bounds of normal strength when we tap into those reserves, when we push ourselves past what feels like the limit. For the past few years I have been curious to know what I can endure, what I can overcome. I don’t really know why except just to know.
The RadioLab podcast LIMITS revealed some interesting things to me that I will use in future to reach my full potential.
How much can you jam into a human brain? How far can you push yourself past feelings of exhaustion? In this hour of Radiolab, we examine human limits.
In about a week I will be venturing into South America alone, by planes, buses and finally a ferry to a beautiful island on a huge lake, to a very sacred place nestled between two volcanoes. I will live there for 3 months before knowing where I am supposed to travel next. Probably Sierra Leone. This morning I woke up with nervous excitement trapped in my belly, but it was curdled with sadness, doubt, regret and fear. Losing my sweet lover to impossible circumstances, leaving my home, beautiful Colorado. Failure of one of my biggest dreams after just 5 short months. I knew I needed to move on, to start over again some place new. But I kept wondering, is this trip was too drastic? Too soon? What if it all goes horribly wrong? What if I run out of money and get stranded? I can’t speak any Spanish. That seems stupid. Going into South America not knowing how to even ask directions. I don’t know any of the people I am soon going to meet and adventure with. I asked myself, “Am I doing the right thing? Should I go?”
The words I heard and felt ring through my body replied stronger than any of my doubts. “I am going to take you some place AMAZING. I will always take you to amazing places.” A huge, calming certainty flooded over me. And for the first time I realised, I don’t have to wait for anyone to follow my dreams. I don’t have to check if its okay. I don’t need a friend or a partner to go with me. I am all I need to be happy and free.
This trip is perfect for me. The opportunities there are staggering. Everything I have wanted to do for years. I will tell you more tomorrow.
Let me put you in my pocket and take you on this wild, and yes impetuous adventure. I will document the whole experience from beginning to end, mosquitoes and all.
After running into a friend on my way to the bookstore, I began to think. Are we all clinging, as adults, to past relationships?
“When we hide from the world in this way, we feel secure. We may think that we have quieted our fear, but we are actually making ourselves numb with fear. We surround ourselves with our own familiar thoughts, so that nothing sharp or painful can touch us. We are so afraid of our fear that we deadened our hearts.” –Chogyam Trungpa
This clip is too short. I could watch him for hours…
Written by Melissa Johnson,
Highlander Magazine July 2010 #127
I met John while living in San Francisco. Quickly, he became my friend-spiritual guide-and-massage therapist all rolled into one. Such magic in those hands, such wisdom in his understanding—after one session I was hooked. Trained in the healing arts of Chinese medicine, John began each session with a simple question: “What’s going on?” This meant that he wanted a brief State of the Union on my physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health because, to him, it was all connected.
During the time I lived in the city, I met with John every week. Through our conversations and his amazing body work I began to experience shifts in consciousness on many levels, but none more compelling than my understanding of what it means to be discerning. We spent hours talking about life paths—his, mine and those of our friends. We dissected, analyzed, and waxed poetic about love.
Then one day, while discussing my relationship with a man whom I loved deeply but who lacked certain core qualities that I wanted in a partner, John suggested that the key to my dilemma could be found by taking on the persona of the female mountain goat.
You see, female mountain goats—or nannies, as they’re called—will climb to the top of a mountain peak and sit there. She’s holding out for the billy with certain qualities—like horn symmetry; and short sturdy legs with a heavy body; top-of-the-line hooves to help him move about the rocky ledges; and, of course, social rank because this will determine his access to resources. Below her, all the billies are doing their male mountain goat thing—snorting, bleating, locking horns, fighting, pushing each other around in an effort to win her. Some of the billies are killed or give up and move along in search of greener pastures. But the strong contenders continue their ascent to claim the prize at the top of the mountain. (more…)
“And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”
~ Steve Jobs
Every one of us knows what it’s like to invest in something with determination, passion and conviction for a long time, sometimes half a lifetime, whether it be with money, sweat, time, love… to find yourself suddenly at the end of the road with a NO. A failure.
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