My Love Drug
So I’ve been reading up online, trying to figure out if or when this chemical in my brain will wear off, the one that attracts me so intensely to my ex. For those who haven’t been following its been about 2 months since he left, and we were together nearly 5 years. I figured it must be chemical because I have successfully moved on in almost every other way, except I’ve made no headway physically. I found some other things out.
That studies show that for the first year up to the 4th year in a relationship, chemically the the brain is similar to that of a drug addict, and also a person who is certifiably insane. At around the 4th year the initial insanity wears off and is replaced with attachment chemicals. This transitional period is usually when relationships break or move onto the next phase. The 4th year of marriage is when divorce is most common. I almost wonder if that next phase is co-dependency expertly packaged in the idea of “soul mates” but I cynically digress (because I already know I will wake up tomorrow believing in soul mates again)…
Apparently the feeling of falling in love can turn into an addiction, a chemical dependency that craves constant fulfilment and can wreak havoc in your life. There is a craze of people who jump from one relationship to the next, and is very commonly accepted these days, but it is rarely seen as an out of control addiction. But I can see its effects very clearly now in my own past.
Although I can’t account for how I can still be this strongly attracted after nearly 5 years with the same person, I do know that going from one relationship to the next, as I have in the past, fulfils the addictive need to have my serotonin and dopamine levels spiked. So it explains why it is so hard for me right now, to not jump onto the next best thing. It’s really hard actually. It also explains the slab of dark chocolate I absolutely have to eat daily.
And now to think about it… it also explains why a decade ago when I went through an experimental phase, Ecstasy was my absolute favourite drug. Like that feeling of falling in love multiplied by the universe exploding. Ultimate bliss. Literally that’s how it felt for me. At least I had the sense to quickly realise that craving Ecstasy and missing it with such intensity meant I shouldn’t ever, EVER touch it again or I’d end up on it every day. I am glad I didn’t because a few years later the research was out on the lasting affects of repeated Ecstasy use and well, I’m glad for my own natural brain chemistry that serves up so much daily happiness that I didn’t go that route.
I have often thought that Tantra might fill that void, but never seriously looked into it. Perhaps an investigation for another day.
And now for that chocolate…
November 2013 / October 2013 / July 2013 / June 2013 / April 2013 / March 2013 / February 2013 / January 2013 / December 2012 / November 2012 / October 2012 / September 2012 / August 2012 / July 2012 / June 2012 / May 2012 / April 2012 / March 2012 / February 2012 / January 2012 / December 2011 / November 2011 / October 2011 / September 2011 / August 2011 / July 2011 / June 2011 / May 2011 / April 2011 / March 2011 / February 2011 / January 2011 / December 2010 / November 2010 / October 2010 / September 2010 / August 2010 / July 2010 / June 2010 / May 2010 / April 2010 / March 2010 / February 2010 / January 2010 / December 2009 / November 2009 / October 2009 / September 2009 / August 2009 / July 2009 / June 2009 / May 2009 / April 2009 / March 2009 / February 2009 / January 2009 / December 2008 / November 2008 / October 2008 / September 2008 / August 2008 / July 2008 / June 2008 / May 2008 / April 2008 / March 2008 / February 2008 / January 2008 / December 2007 / November 2007 / October 2007 / September 2007 / August 2007 / July 2007 / June 2007 / May 2007 / April 2007 / March 2007 / February 2007 / January 2007 / December 2006 / November 2006 / October 2006 / September 2006 / August 2006 / July 2006 / June 2006 / May 2006 / April 2006 / March 2006 / February 2006 / January 2006 / December 2005 / November 2005 / October 2005 / September 2005 / August 2005 / July 2005 / June 2005 / May 2005 / April 2005 / March 2005 / February 2005 / January 2005 / December 2004 / November 2004 / October 2004 / September 2004 / August 2004 / July 2004 / June 2004 / May 2004 / April 2004 / March 2004 / February 2004 / January 2004 / December 2003 / November 2003 / October 2003 / September 2003 / August 2003 / July 2003 / June 2003 / May 2003 / April 2003 / March 2003 / February 2003 / January 2003 / December 2002 / November 2002 / October 2002 / September 2002 / August 2002 / July 2002 / June 2002 /